Really?

You know how sometimes someone says something or does something so thoughtless that you want to just say, "Really? You actually think I'm that spineless that I'm going to allow myself to be run over like that?" I've always been the peacemaker and the one that wants others to like them, going out of my way to show love whether or not it's returned.   But...there comes a time when your young daughter starts noticing and you have to say that is enough.  She has been hurt by seeing how these certain people treat her mommy. I have to set an example for her. I don't want her to make the same mistakes I've made by letting others run over me.  There came a time a few years back when I got to the end of my rope. I finally got tired of a certain family situation and I blew.  In doing that, I destroyed years of trying to be the good influence, the sane one, and the fair one. It was one of those situations where two adults were acting like spoiled brats without consideration how it was affecting the whole family.  My loss of temper was fierce though. I wasn't letting anyone by with even the slightest lie or slight for some time after that.  I really mourned my loss of temper though.  All those years of trying to be the adult and be patient, praying that time would change their attitudes.  I felt all those years of work were for naught. Not that I was perfect.  Not in the least but I was the one really trying.

 I believe it was at that point that I slowly started amending my outlook.  You can't make people love you, and in my case it wasn't personal but the circumstances.  I'm now not involving myself with these family members as much; I still try to support, and try to show them love (because I do love them regardless of how my husband and I have been treated unfairly).   However, I'm not going to any longer make sacrifices that they are unwilling to make themselves to try to change them.  If they want the situation to be better, they will have to do their part too.

My blog is personal and I haven't even shared it with my family or closest friends. It is a help on my journey in life to record my feelings and hopefully, it will help me to become a better person by helping me gain insight that I might not have had I not put ideas in writing.